Authenticity - What it is & Why it's Important

What even is living authentically, why it's so important, and what make's it so hard

(This post are is authentic and relatable when they are listened to - scroll down for audio):

Why Authenticity?

For the month of May, we are diving into authenticity. I’ve chosen this topic for a few reasons;

Firstly, I know a lot about this topic, and it’s something I feel very confident in writing about.

And right now, my confidence is pretty low. Losing the two people who I felt the most safe with and unconditionally loved by, and cancelling all of my events and not knowing where I’m heading, is affecting my self-esteem.

And so, to spend time writing about what I’m confident in, is a reminder to me of my power, and who I really am.

Secondly, I think this month will really help a lot of of you. I spoke to a few of you back in April, and you seemed quite keen for me to delve deep into this subject.

The word “authenticity “is used so much, and it has so many levels to it, and so I’m hoping that this month is going to really help you to understand it on a deeper, and more personal level.

I’m also a point in my journey where I need to reevaluate my authenticity, and what really matters to me, and I want to do that in real time with you.

Please bear in mind….

This Substack space is a really powerful form of accountability and manifestation for me, and what I write, and even though it can be extremely challenging, it seems to be keeping me very much in alignment with my True Self. Having spoken to some of you, it seems to be pretty aligned to where some of you are at within your journeys too, and that’s both relatable and reassuring for you.

I’d like to point out though that this is me simply writing my truth, in a hope to inspire. This is my experience of living authentically, and my truth - take what you need from it, but ALWAYS trust yourself more than anything else.

This is also not an overnight fix, or a job done forever. Living authentically is a never-ending journey, one that takes constant work and refining (how boring!).

It is my hope however, that together, by the end of this month, we will all be living a bit more in our truth, with a bit more self sovereignty, and feeling a little more confident over our choices and decisions.

How this month will work….

I’m starting off with today’s post, where I want to share what authenticity actually is, why it’s so important, and why it’s so hard for us to live in alignment with our true selves.

This is not only a good starting point to educate ourselves of what authentic living is, it’s also a reminder to those of you who are already living authentically, to realise just how much bravery it takes, and how well you’re doing.

Celebrating our wins is something that we don’t do enough, and so this particular post is also a reminder of how kick ass you already are!

Next week we’re going to delve into all the ways that we can live more authentically, and then for the final weeks, we will be working together, in real time, to deepen authentic living by deciding what truly matters to us right now, and taking action towards it.

Okay so here goes…

What is living authentically?

The word “authenticity“ means the quality of being “real“ or “true “.

And so living authentically, basically means living in your truth, without fitting into other peoples expectations.

It’s living a life that feels good on the inside, and not looks good on the outside just to please others.

It’s getting to know yourself on an incredibly deep level, and honouring your needs, desires, and purpose.

It’s accepting all parts of yourself, including the less favourable bits, and shining them out into the world.

And it’s showing up across all areas of your life, as YOU.

Basically - living authentically means becoming More Disco Ball!

Why it’s important….

When we don’t live an authentic life, it can feel dissatisfying, unfulfilling, and lead to resentment.

We can feel suppressed, contained, frustrated, and like we are living a lie – and after time, that takes up a lot of energy.

For me personally, it’s led to health issues too. Not honouring my needs, and living a lie, seriously affected my physical and mental health so much, and still does at times.

Living authentically helps us to experience more joy, and a deeper connection to ourselves.

It’s also a huge act of self love, because you’re literally choosing YOU over conditioning, and the expectations of others.

You stop abandoning yourself, and you start listening to what you really want and need, and that’s incredibly empowering.

Relationships are also more real. Not only do we speak our truth, we also attract people who are aligned to our energy.

And that’s across all areas of our life – partners, true friends, soul teachers, supportive communities, and people to collaborate with.

Why it’s so hard….

It all sound’s great but living authentically is a pretty challenging thing to do for a variety of reasons, many of which I’m sure you are already familiar with:

Going against the Grain

We live in a world that rewards fitting in, and not standing out, and so to live authentically literally feels like swimming upstream in a sea of conformity and expectation - and that’s hard work.

Our truth may make others uncomfortable – especially someone close to us. People don’t like change, and us changing may scare and trigger them.

Being more authentic can also reflect what others are avoiding in themselves, and people can project their shadow onto us, with acts of control, resistance, and judgement – and that’s hard to be on the receiving end of.

Fear of Rejection

The main reason why it’s so hard is because we fear rejection, and so it’s way easier to mask and hide who we really are, so that we are accepted and loved.

When we show up as ourselves, we are risking being misunderstood, being judged, and ultimately being rejected. Fear of rejection is my biggest wound, that is always at the centre of when I show up inauthentically.

The Patriarchy

Women have been taught generation after generation, that being agreeable, quiet, and small is the path to safety. That shrinking ourselves, dimming our light, and smoothing over conflict will keep us loved, employed and accepted.

We’re rewarded for being accommodating and punished for being loud, assertive, angry, ambitious, or unpredicatbly emotional. So to show up as ourselves, in our full, messy, contradictory, emotional truth (which often involves being bold, loud, and emotionally volatile), isn't just uncomfortable - it’s terrifying.

It can feel like stepping out into open fire, because in some ways, it is. The fear isn’t irrational—it’s ancestral.

Childhood trauma

If you grew up in an environment where love was conditional based on your achievements, your obedience, your silence, then authenticity was never safe to begin with.

Like me, you learned early to scan the room, shape-shift, say what was expected, and hide the rest away. We built masks to survive. And those masks worked. They kept us alive.

But when we start living authentically, and trying to take them off as an adult, our nervous system goes into high alert. Living as our true self can feel wrong, dangerous, and exposed—because in the world we grew up in, it was.

Loss of Identity

When we live authentically we often need to let go of old masks, personas, and habits, that can feel like losing a version of ourselves, which can feel extremely uncomfortable, and sometimes painful, especially if they have kept us safe for so long.

And then when we choose to make big life changes, or to let go of something that we were heavily invested in like a job, or a partner, or a career, without knowing where we are going, being in “the void “, is extra hard.

The Universe Challenges Us

And finally, the universe challenges us in many ways. When we embark on a journey to be more authentic, we are tested. These tests coming in of a variety of forms - a lot of the time through other people. People that really trigger us. There are a few common ones as follows:

Expanders - expanders are people who are living so much in their truth that it’s uncomfortable for us to be around. They trigger us deeply and we can drop into irrational judgement towards them.

If this happens to you with particular people, it could be that what they are really showing us, are the parts of our authentic selves that we are hiding from the world, that are desperate to come out.

This is something I used to experience before I started delivering the self love rave. I would get really triggered by women who were on Instagram owning their unique talents and gifts, and sharing them with the world. As soon as I started delivering the rave, I stopped judging them, and instead became inspired by them.

Mirrors – we will also be tested by people in situations in order to deepen self awareness, heal wounds, and understand our patterns.

I am constantly challenged by family, especially right now. My authentic self wants to lead with love and truth, but my protective parts want to take over. And so when I’m triggered, I am being forced to do even more deep inner child work, to feel even more painful feelings and to speak my truth - and that’s not easy work.

In conclusion…

And so as you can see, even though the rewards are so great, the journey there is not for the faint hearted. It takes bravery, courage, and commitment.

But if you like me, living a lie is too uncomfortable now, then we have no choice!

When I make a decision, or live in a way that’s out of alignment, or stay in a relationship that doesn’t feel right anymore, it feels very off in my body, and it can really affect my mental health too, especially if it involves going to something that my gut is screaming no too.

And even though it’s incredibly uncomfortable to say no to a lot of things, the alternative is not an option anymore.

Next week we’re going to be delving into all the ways to live authentically.

We’re going to be looking at all areas of our lives, including our relationships with ourselves, our relationship with others, and our relationship with the unseen world.

I’m hoping that next week will not only inspire you to discover new ways to live authentically, but also show you how you’re already doing it in so many ways.

If you wanted to do any inner work in between this week and next, perhaps consider, without judgement, in what area of your life you find it hard to be your authentic self, and contemplate why that might be - is it the patriarchy, childhood trauma, or fear of rejection?

Feel free to share - I love to read your comments!

Sending loads of love.

And remember - Be More Disco Ball.

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TUNE OF THE MONTH

As this month is around being more YOU, I have chosen the extremely recognisable tune “FREE by Ultra Nate”.

The word’s in the main chorus “You’re Free to do what you want to do”, are a bold reminder that we have the choice to do things that align with our true selves over what we think we “should” be doing.

"Free" became an anthem for the LGBTQ+ community, resonating with themes of empowerment and acceptance. Its message of liberation and authenticity made it a popular play in dance clubs and a huge statement for anyone wanting to break free from societal constraints.

Here’s the original version of it - I’ll be sharing 4 very different remixes of it within my weekly newsletter….so look out for them there too.

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