Dissecting Anger - Part 4

Using Anger for Good

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It’s 6:45 am and I am finally putting pen to paper. I have fannied about for the past 45 minutes responding to direct messages, uploading stories, making smoothies, and scrolling, because I’m procrastinating doing this.

Why? Because I’m not 100% clear on what to say in this post, and I’m putting a huge amount of pressure on myself to look like I know what I’m talking about to you guys, however I still feel slightly unsure on the subject.

When I originally delved into this subject, this part of it was going to be the final piece of the puzzle of me really understanding anger. But it got a little heavy with all the other bits about understanding toxic anger, that I didn’t quite get to this bit.

My plan was to do some research, but I’ve been so busy distracting myself from feeling feelings because I’ve been delving deep, I didn’t get to this.

Having said that, what usually happens to me when I read books, or listen to podcasts, is a realisation that I have all the answers within me anyway, and I just need to trust myself more.

And so that’s what I’m going to do with this post right now.

Using Anger for Good

I want to use my voice and anger more for change. I’ll reframe that – I know I’m meant to use my anger and voice more for change.

How do I know this?

Because any woman who is lobbying for change, being vocal on socials about their passions, or publicly challenging societal norms, massively triggers me.

There is one woman in particular – Anna Whitehouse, also known as Mother Pukka, who is a journalist and campaigner for Flexi work for women.

I know she’s triggering me because my “Little Miss Fuck You” comes out when I watch her posts, or I can feel myself not wanting to look – a sure sign that she’s doing something that I know I’m meant to do.

I’ve started to meet charities now for my future foundation to support, ones that are helping children to discover their joy, and also ones that are fighting for change within our education system, something that I know is a part of my soul destiny, and something I know I am going to do one day.

I’ve also started to get more vocal about the patriarchy at my Rave’s, and on socials. It’s one of the biggest barriers for letting go and having fun on the dancefloor. And even though I feel passionate about it, I also feel terrified when speaking about it.

I feel terrified of not saying the right thing. I feel terrified of being judged and criticised. And I feel terrified of losing my voice if I am challenged.

Plus I feel like an imposter when I talk about it. Why? Because I’m still so conditioned myself by the patriarchy, and because I don’t fully understand how the education system and government works, and anything that involves any form of politics overwhelms me, and taps into my belief of “the stupid one” that I’m carrying from school.

Instead of feeling passion and fire in my belly that I know will drive this forward, I’m feeling fear, stuckness and shame. And I know that there will be lots of patriarchal conditioning around me finding it hard to speak truth to power, and that i do need to dissect this but for now, I believe there are 4 other things I need to do right now: