How to stop being perfect
2 simple ways to make the change
This post was written pre-bereavement. It’s also free to all subscribers, as I think it will be really helpful to a lot of you.
There are no audio recordings for this month’s posts.
How to Stop being Perfect
This is the final part in this month’s theme of self trust and self sovereignty, and this post is open to all subscribers.
Recap on this month….
For the past few weeks we’ve been talking about the energy of belonging to ourselves, and what self trust looks and feels like, why I drop in to self-doubt at times, and how to trust ourselves more.
I really hope it’s helped to build some inner confidence for you, and to see where you are already nailing it without you even realising. I have found that a lot of self-love comes from realising just how fucking great we are already!
Something that I want to finish this month on is perfectionism.
What’s Perfectionism got to do with Self Trust?
The self love journey isn’t just about building more love and connection with ourselves, it’s also about welcoming the parts of us that aren’t so healthy….understanding them, and not letting them run the show.
I’ve spoken about lots of parts of me that come up to keep me safe, and one part that comes up a lot on my journey is perfectionism.
But what’s this got to do with self trust and self sovereignty?
A part of self trust is honouring my needs and intuitive nudges. It’s listening to the knowing inside of me, and then taking action. And it’s doing something consistently in order to feel good and to make change.
I shared some examples with you last week, but for those of you who didn’t listen here is three of them:
Get to bed early.
Following intuitive judges within my business
Stopping eating sweet potato fries!
But something that comes up for me over and over is perfectionism.
My inner perfectionist obviously has a name – she is called “Polly the Perfectionist”!
Meet Polly the Perfectionist
“Polly, the Perfectionist” is a fucking pain in the arse. She is relentless, and quite frankly, she cripples me at times.
And when it comes to making change, and implementing something new in my life, she pipes up BIG time.
And she doesn’t just show up on myself love journey, she shows up in every area of my life, especially in my business.
But I’ve come to the point, where I cannot let her rule the way she does anymore. And so this post is a massive stand against Polly!
And yes, I know I’ve just mentioned accepting all these parts of our ego within us, and I’m very much doing that with Polly, however it really is time for my Higher Self to take over here.
So today I’m gonna share with you how she shows up in relation to implementing practices and within my business, and how I’m going to be managing her moving forward.
I think a lot of you will relate to this post, perfection will be showing up somewhere in your life, so I really hope this not only brings you comfort to know you’re not alone, but also some in a power to take control, before it controls you.
How perfection shows up….
As mentioned, perfectionism is prevalent across all areas of my life, but mainly within my business, and with daily practices.
If I get an intuitive nudge to start a new practice, or to change my diet, or to try something new, in strides Polly the perfectionist exhausting me with a task list that is completely unattainable, and unrealistic.
My inner critic loves her too – the pair of them work together – Polly raising the bar on everything, and Sergeant Major pointing out how shit I am at everything. It sounds pretty dramatic, and excessive, but it’s a pattern that I’ve been stuck in many a time.
An extreme example, is when I wanted to try Kundalini yoga about 7 years ago. Instead of just going to a normal class, I started going straight to Sadhana – which is a three hour session that starts at 5am, yes 5 am, and you have to wear a white turban!
Another example is when I wanted to work out a bit more and build some core strength, but instead of going to the gym and lifting a few weights, I joined a CrossFit experience, and ending up dead lifting 50 kg weights and fucking up my back.
And when I started cold water swimming, after just two sessions, I stayed in a freezing cold lake for 10 minutes, and when I get home, and had a shower, my feet turned black. I’m sure this one will make you laugh….or potentially freak out (if you’re a cold water swimmer you’ll know how dangerous that was of me).
Now I’m not saying that any of these practices aren’t right for other people. But the point is, that I hadn’t worked my way up slowly with any of them. I went from 0 to 100 in a week, I missed out all the important bits in the middle, and the journey. And as we discussed last month, it’s all about the journey, and not the destination.
Luckily, I don’t do things to this extreme anymore. The combination of the healing work I’ve done, along with the intention to be gentle and to belong to myself, has helped hugely, but it still shows up when I want to implement something new.
And it also shows up within my business, especially if I’m creating a mix, creating an event, or writing for something.
I will literally reread shit over and over, and tinker about with words and punctuation for hours. I’ll also get very anal about mixes, especially if I’m recording one, and I’ll need all the transitions to sound extra smooth and fluid.
I do this for my Events too, I get extremely bogged down with the detail and the mixing, and it’s something that hinders my performance because I’m so focused on the mixes versus my stage presence.
It also stops me from doing things. I can massively procrastinate something that could support me because I want to complete it perfectly, or because I’m scared of making a mistake or failing.
Why it shows up….
I don’t wanna go into this too deeply here, because all my other posts cover the main reasons for most things showing up for me, but basically it’s 100% a coping strategy that I have created through life to keep me safe. It’s also 100% coming from the patriarchy and the pressure on women to be perfect. And finally, it’s 100% a habit, that I’ve allowed to grow over time.
How I’m going to change the habit…
For this particular habit, I’m going to take a more practical approach.
Yes I can sit with all the feelings of fear that the perfectionism is trying to protect me from.
Yes I can analyse its motives, and understand that it doesn’t want me to feel rejection.
But with this one, I really feel some strong action, and a new way of being is what’s needed.
I’ve done quite a bit of research around perfectionism lately, and I’ve discovered two pieces of information that have really helped shift my perspective with this.
Both are science based, and proven, and are really helping me to see how perfectionism is wasting so much of my time, and how to approach it moving forward:
The 80% Method
The first one is the 80% method by Dan Sullivan.
The 80% method by Dan Sullivan is simple: instead of waiting for something to be 100% perfect, aim to get it 80% done and put it out into the world.
The idea is that perfection slows you down, and most of the value is already there at 80%. Once you share it, you can adjust or improve it later based on feedback or new ideas.
It’s about progress, not perfection, and just doing your best for now.
Now this excites me a lot, because I probably get 80% of stuff done in the same time as I fuck about with the extra 20%.
And so if I just got things done to 80% standard I’d save half of my time - yes HALF of my time!
2. The Universal Law of Diminishing Returns.
A universal law is a fundamental principle or rule that is believed to apply consistently and universally across all people, places, and times. It operates independently of human beliefs or perspectives and governs aspects of nature, existence, or the human experience. Universal laws are often seen as unchanging and foundational truths.
And so this stuff has science, truth and proof behind it, which always helps my mind to believe it more.
The law of diminishing returns means that if you keep adding more of one thing to something else, the extra benefit you get from it will eventually get smaller and smaller.
For example: Imagine you’re making a pizza. Adding the first few toppings makes it taste much better. But if you keep piling on more and more toppings, the pizza gets messy, and each extra topping adds less enjoyment than the first ones did. Eventually, adding more might even make the pizza worse!
It’s about finding the sweet spot where effort or input gives the best results. Too much of a good thing doesn’t always lead to better results.
For me personally this feels revolutionary, because it’s proof that all the extra hours I spend on perfecting my mixes, re-writing talks, over thinking room layouts for events, and tinkering with my emails could actually be making them less impactful.
And so, as we move forward in 2025, these two methods are something I’m going to be considering and implementing across all areas of my life where I’m implementing change, upgrading, and creating.
Instead of spending 5 hours on a mix perfecting everything, re-recording it, and double checking it with other people, I’m gonna record it once, and just get it out.
Instead of judging myself for only doing 30 lengths at the swimming pool instead of 40, I’m gonna congratulate myself for getting 80% of it done!
And instead of spending an hour re-reading my weekly email and changing the title and subtitle about 3 times, I’m just gonna get it out.
I even just did it then - I was about to add another example of how this new approach will benefit me….but then I realised that was the extra 20% adding and so I stopped myself!
I really hope this post has helped you to see where you may be displaying signs of perfectionism - I’d love for you to share them below.
And equally - I hope it’s given you a shift in perspective, and helped you to potentially see new ways of approaching the areas of your life where perfectionism and procrastination show up for you….
Sending loads of love, and remember - Be more Disco Ball.
UPCOMING EVENTS
Sat 15th March - House of Happiness - Manchester - This legendary London based Sober Rave are coming up North, and I’ll be DJing for them! If you fancy dancing to banging tunes, in a sweaty underground club, surrounded by the most warm and friendly people, this is it! Tickets currently £17, use discount code DJFLOURISH10 for further discounts
Sat 22nd March - Saltburn-by-the-Sea - Self Love Rave Tour. This is the first Rave in the Self Love Rave Tour. We’re bringing the ultimate women-only dance experience to the North East. This isn’t your average rave, this experience will leave an imprint on your heart, a pure sense of freedom, and the courage to step out into the world unapologetically as you! Tickets are £35 plus booking fee.
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